For Biggie

Photo: Robert Kraft

The son of two people who are dear to me lost their youngest son (of two) on Monday night. To a heroin overdose. This alone is a staggering loss. But every loss connects us to the losses that preceded it and, about 18 months ago, they lost their eldest son (of two) to a rare and gruesome disease, that took him by degrees. They watched him die. And they have watched Biggie struggle, in a different way perhaps, but one every bit as painful to witness and endure. Maybe even more so. To say they have had more than their share would be a gross understatement. They are walking, quite literally, through the valley of the shadow of death.

To all the kind and generous souls who read my blog I say, please send your prayers out for Gene and Eleanore and for all those who loved Biggie. May they be surrounded by angels. May they be comforted. And may they forgive themselves for any shortcomings, real or imagined, that may haunt them in the wake of Biggie's death. We always think we should have said more, or done more, or been more. But, as Alice Siebold put it so succinctly in her book Lucky, the truth is that nobody can save anybody else: you save yourself or you remain unsaved. She isn't talking about God here . . . she means mere mortals like us. And when someone dies under such tragic circumstances, it's best to turn the matter over to God rather than try to micromanage it after the fact.

And please pray for Biggie, too. Life was so painful for him. May death bring him the peace he never found here.